Painful Memories

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. (PTSD)

Letter from  Dr. John Gilbert.

Memories Book. 

"We have a Guestbook for social contact but here is one for those who still feel distressed by their experiences. Write, anonymously if you wish, about the way you feel or the things you remember which still hurt or make you angry. This is especially, but not exclusively, for Falklands veterans."


At our excellent reunion on 15 Jun 02, amid the celebrations, it became clear that for a few of our old ship's company things are not going so well.  There are scattered reports of those who are still troubled by their memories of 1982 and have never fully come to terms with the traumas of our time down south.  In the modern idiom, they are suffering still from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a term that describes a normal stress reaction taken to the extreme and not diminishing with time as it should.

  At this stage, 20 years after the event, most of us are getting on with our lives in spite of sad memories of what happened, above all on 12 Jun 82.  For a few, this is not the case.  They are still suffering interrupted sleep, flashbacks, disturbed relationships, panic attacks or other symptoms.  Most of these men would not advertise the fact, would not meet up with old shipmates, would not discuss the Falklands conflict.  Most of those affected do not turn up to reunions and therefore fail to benefit from the sense of comradeship that we experienced in the Home Club on Saturday and at the cathedral on Sunday this year.

  John GILBERT, who was the MO in 1982 has identified a useful resource:

Combat Stress
Ex-Services Mental Welfare Society
Tyrwhitt House
Oaklawn Road
KT22 0BX
Tel: 01372 841600

 The lead psychiatrist is Surg Cdr Morgan O'CONNELL RN (Retd) who has a long-standing specialist interest in the subject of combat stress and has tried hard to convince the RN and the MoD to look after ex-servicemen, with negligible success.  However, this charity, to which he is now attached, has a national network and provides its services free.  He can also be contacted at:

Wickham House
The Square
PO17 5JG
Tel: 01329 834512

The challenge now is to find the sufferers and encourage them to seek help.  Some of them may be reluctant to face the issue but experience shows that it is the only successful strategy.  We need to contact our friends and check on them.  It may only take one question to show if someone is still badly affected, or it may need more persistence.

If you think someone is still suffering from PTSD, contact the HMS GLAMORGAN Falklands Association, Dr Morgan O'CONNELL or Dr John GILBERT (Work Tel: 00353 1 845 4847, Home Tel: 00353 1 845 5523 or e-mail: malahidejohn(at)

REMEMBER, if we don't look after them, WHO WILL?

Ex-Service Veterans - Outreach Support and Advice (Portsmouth)

Veterans Outreach Programme - Portsmouth
Name: John "Joe" Erskine
Date Posted: May 9,

Ex-Service Veterans - Outreach Support and Advice (Portsmouth)

1500 - 2000 1st Wednesday of the Month (from Wed 2nd July 2008)

Dr Morgan O’Connell [recently Chief Consultant Psychiatrist to Combat Stress] and John “Joe” Erskine [SSAFA – Forces Help (Portsmouth)], together with Dave Watts, [General Manager of The Royal Maritime Club], have put together a “Veterans Outreach Support” programme for ALL Ex-Service Veterans and/or Family Members of Veterans.

The venue is The Royal Maritime Club, Queen Street, Portsmouth between 3pm and 8pm on the first Wednesday of every month. (If demand is high additional dates may be made available).

The exact details are still in the Planning stages but basically it will be a "Drop in Centre" where ANY Veteran, or family member of a Veteran, can come for an individual private chat with a Doctor (TBC - may be by appointment only), Psychiatrist (Morgan O'Connell), and/or a Therapist.

There will also be an Advice Centre where representatives of the following Ex-Service Agencies will be in attendance:-

The Soldiers, Sailors, Airmens Families Association - Forces Help
[SSAFA - Forces Help]

The Royal British Legion [RBL]

Combat Stress
[The Ex-Services Mental Welfare Society]

The Services Personnel and Veterans Agency [SPVA]
(Welfare - War Pension/AF Compensation etc.)

The Royal Naval Benevolent Trust [RNBT]

The idea is that any Veteran, or Family Member of a Veteran, can drop in, just for a confidential chat with the Doctors or Therapist, AND/OR for advice from the Agencies AND/OR to take the opportunity to meet up with other Vets and have a chin wag, maybe a meal in the restaurant and/or a few drinks in the bar. Use the time to arrange to meet other Vets there to have a social afternoon / evening in an informal friendly atmosphere amongst friends, if you wish. It is not intended to hold any sort of group sessions; unless a particular group of individual Veterans request one and that session will be private and confidential to that group.

If any Veteran, or Family Member of a Veteran, wishes to attend privately just to have a chat with the Doctors or the Therapist, they may do so by just coming along OR by ringing DR Morgan O'Connell on 01329 834512 to make a specific appointment. If you get the answering machine then PLEASE leave your name and number and Morgan will get back to you within 48 hours. This is his office telephone at his private practice and it is only manned three days a week.

PLEASE NOTE that this programme will be subject to change as the programme evolves.

From THE SUNDAY TIMES magazine, 5 Oct 03

Simon Weston's new book, Moving On, was published on Thursday

It was a while after the explosion when I started to get depressed; three years or more before the flashbacks started. My skin was still distorting, I kept getting infections and I couldn’t do anything for myself, but it was what was going on in my head that was unbearable. I felt so guilty. These boys were dying, my hands were injured, I couldn’t breathe. It was 21 years ago and I still think: “If I could have just got one person out, I'd feel better."

All your training gives you is a split second of reaction time - it can't prepare you for the sights and the smells and the sounds of enemy attack. I used to associate most smells with childhood. Now my strongest sense memories are surrounding death. Nobody can tell you how blood smells, or what it feels like to be engulfed in the thick pall of burning flesh. You can't describe the sound of thousands of men all screaming at once. You’ve no idea that when a bomb explodes you won't be able to breathe because the fire uses up all the oxygen.

It was the colours that stayed with me the longest. The deep, swirling reds and oranges and yellows of the fire. When your life is threatened, everything is slowed down - enhanced, even. It takes for ever to hit the floor and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

At the time I didn't feel any pain, as my body was pumping so much adrenaline. And anyway, all the nerve endings had been blown away. The body can take so much, yet the mind can take so little. Getting hurt is a risk you take when you accept the Queen's shilling. I never gave a sod about my injuries, but the mental scars are something else. I had more than 70 operations on my body and yet nobody ever asked me: “Simon, what is going on in your head?"

Back home, I was filled with self loathing - drinking too much, waking up at night because I was still on fire, hearing the screams of people dying around me. The worst thing about post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is that the nightmares also happen in the day, so your entire life is filled with horror, like a living nightmare. The darkness inside was so bad, I could lose a whole weekend and not remember a thing. I was an incredibly sad, lonely person for a hell of a long time. Until one day, on my own in my room, I decided to end it. I tried to top myself with a crossbow - cocked it and everything - but my damaged hands weren't strong enough to pull the twine back on the bow and the damn thing nearly took my fingers off.

People hardly recall the Falklands war now. I’ve lost my grandfather, I've lost my father. I was devastated, but that was a normal response to loss. PTSD is an ongoing response to an experience that is not normal. A friend of mine, Pierre, a medic, joined up. Now a sudden noise, the smell of a log fire, unhinges him. He says his mind's "a locked box with all the beasties still in it”. lf it wasn't for his wife, he would have topped himself years ago.

I'm certain more British servicemen have committed suicide since the Falklands war than were killed during it - 255 were killed in action. It was the mental anguish at what they'd seen, and the guilt that they survived when their mates didn't, which killed them.

The MoD and the government don't want to acknowledge any of this, purely because it would cost them money. More than 2,000 veterans added their names to a class action, suing the MoD for failing to detect and treat mental trauma in service people returning from war. In May, the judge ruled that the MoD and army weren't negligent because PTSD wasn't established to have existed before 1987 by the British. What kind of proof do they need? We've had two world wars, the Gulf, Bosnia. There are thousands of PTSD cases in the US, some still with symptoms after 40 years. Specialists in PTSD from the US were asked to testify but none came. Trust me, it looks like the block came from the highest government level. Bush and Blair worked out between them that opening the floodgates on this one would not be a good thing. The judgment concluded that any new PTSD cases have to be treated by the NHS. The NHS can't deal with a simple hernia operation. How will it find the expertise and the resources to treat men whose minds have been ravaged by war?

I still had problems with PTSD after 10 years. I have mood swings now, a huge dark hole you can't get out of. I talk to my wife, but I hold back because I don't want to upset her. I talk to my mates who were there. There's strength in our shared experience, but soldiers don't cry. We’re sarcastic, crude - offensive, even. Strangely, it helps. There was a fabulous quote on a lavvy wall in one military barracks. Roosevelt, I think. It went: "For those of us who have known combat, life has a flavour that the protected will never know". I hang on to that. I've come to see that what I have - my life, my wife, my children - is more precious in the light of what was lost.